Saturday, January 31, 2004
Football Tools?
ESPN.com - Did Colorado use sex parties to lure recruits?:
A prosecutor claims sex parties have been used to lure football recruits to the University of Colorado and police may have helped cover up problems that include the alleged rapes of three women."Yet - they seem to be attracting some reallly big ones," he finished.
Gov. Bill Owens said he was shocked by the allegations and demanded a public accounting. He insisted the university take steps to reassure female students that it will not tolerate a climate of sexual misconduct.
"Women are not recruiting tools," Owens said.
From the "Expressed Written Consent" Department:
Vegas Hotels Canceling Super Bowl Parties
LAS VEGAS - Some of Las Vegas' biggest hotel-casinos are canceling Super Bowl parties and handing out refunds to thousands of guests after the NFL threatened legal action against those who broadcast the big game on big-screen TVs.The NFL: Proving Overpaid and Unintelligent People Can Still Work in America.
Several hotels received letters last week informing them that their parties were "unauthorized use of NFL intellectual property."
NFL spokesman Brian McCarthy said the league only recently became aware of these large-scale parties planned in Las Vegas and elsewhere around the country.
Legally: They are right.
Realistically: They should fuck off.
[Props to Willo for the find.]
Where Do You Stand?
AOL Presidential Match Guide
Okay - so it is AOL, but this handy guide allows you to take your opinions on current issues and turn them around into your likely choice for president.
Get informed: try it out.
In case you're wondering: I ended up with Kerry.
From the 'No Sh*t!' Department:
UW Students Say They're Well Versed In 'Rip-Off 101'
You won't find this class in any college, but a new study claims textbook publishers are behind "Rip-off 101". WASHPIRG accuses publishers of cranking out new editions just to make the old ones obsolete.Well, we knew this -- but it is wonderful to hear that we're doing something about it, right?WashPIRG hopes public pressure will force textbook companies to change their tactics. Senator Charles Schumer and Congressman David Wu have already introduced national legislation to bring prices down.Wooooohooooo!
Now, will it pass?
Detroit: 'We Don't Understand Us, Either'
SAFE AT HOME: Welcome return cures Wings' ills:
The Wings weren't happy about the inequity in penalties. Coach Dave Lewis complained that the officials missed some calls, especially a high stick on Pavel Datsyuk that would have given the Wings a two-man advantage. But the Wings were happy about how they responded.Riiiiiight.
The only one happier might have been Day, the 20-millionth fan. The Wings randomly selected five finalists as they entered the building, put their tickets in a box and drew Day's. Among his prizes were a trip for two to a Wings road game; two plane tickets; a year's supply of pizza, pop and potato chips; 20 cartons of ice cream; a set of tires; a six-month health-club membership, and $900 in gift certificates.
What is... Getting Enough Sleep
'Jeopardy!' Host Trebek in Car Crash
"Jeopardy!" host Alex Trebek escaped injury when he apparently fell asleep at the wheel of his pickup truck, sideswiped a string of mailboxes and sailed over an embankment into a ditch, authorities said.Rumor has it he had just come from watching a rerun of his own show.
Trebek, 63, was driving alone on a rural road Friday and his truck was airborne for about 40 feet, California Highway Patrol Officer Scott Koolman said.
[From the Willo Files:]
"I'll take 'Embarrassing Accidents' for $400."
U.S. Military Admits Metrosexuality
THE WAY THINGS REALLY WORK: Pink Fighter-Bombers
Deciding what color to paint aircraft has always been a contentious issue. Many different color schemes have been tried over the years. At one point, the U.S. Air Force ran some extensive tests and concluded the color that best hid an aircraft in flight was a shade of pink. The results of this effort were never implemented....don't ask, don't tell?
Friday, January 30, 2004
Sperm Blows... Prematurely
Thar she blows! Dead whale explodes
TAIPEI - Residents of Tainan learned a lesson in whale biology after the decomposing remains of a 60-ton sperm whale exploded on a busy street, showering nearby cars and shops with blood and organs and stopping traffic for hours.Yah, sick... sad, etc... But wait: there's more!
Once moved to a nearby nature preserve, the male specimen -- the largest whale ever recorded in Taiwan -- drew the attention of locals because of its large penis, measured at some five feet, the Taipei Times reported.Well hung, but he went a little too soon.
*News Alert:* Reality TV Pioneer Dead at 57
Reality TV Pioneer Mary-Ellis Bunim Dies:
Producer Mary-Ellis Bunim, who brought television into the age of reality with MTV's 'The Real World' and whose latest hit series was 'The Simple Life,' has died at age 57.
Criminals Are Dumb!
Burglary Suspect Dies After Hiding In Slough
ROCKLIN, Calif. -- Two suspected car burglars were arrested and one later died Wednesday morning after they were found hiding in the waters of a Rocklin slough. Authorities said officers were called to a neighborhood near Sunset Boulevard about 4:20 a.m. after reports of men trying to break into cars.Said the police chief, "When we told them to freeze -- we really didn't mean it like that."
Police chased two men into the Sunset Wetlands area. Officers surrounded the area, and after more than 90 minutes in 50-degree water, police found the men and both were taken into custody.
The men, whose identities have not been released, were taken to Sutter Roseville Hospital suffering from hypothermia, where one of them later died.
I'm Not Making This Up
Preschooler tests positive for cocaine
TROY, N.Y. - A test showed the drug in the urine of the preschooler after her teacher became suspicious when she saw the girl and her Head Start classmates playing with small balloons, police said. The children behaved strangely when asked who brought the balloons to class, according to police. Since the children touched the balloons with their mouths, the teacher called in a health monitor, who then noticed the girl's vital signs were elevated. The girl and four other preschoolers who handled the balloons were taken to a hospital for drug tests. Police said the school notified the parents immediately and the parents gave hospital workers permission to test their children.Adding, "But the 6 and 7's: You have got to watch those f*ckers..."
Only the 4-year-old girl's test came back positive, police said.
Tests on the balloons showed they weren't tainted with cocaine, but state crime-lab workers are double-checking to make sure those results are correct.
Troy Police Detective John Cooney said. "We don't routinely test our 4-year-old preschoolers for dangerous drugs."
Georgia: 'We're Still Not With It'
Georgia may shun 'evolution' in schools
Georgia students could graduate from high school without learning much about evolution, and may never even hear the word uttered in class.Likewise, Cox suggested that the math department change "addition" to "taking numbers and putting them together to make bigger numbers," and the social studies department change "Gettysburg" to "a really big field where people fired shit at each other repeatedly until they died."
New middle and high school science standards proposed by state Schools Superintendent Kathy Cox strike references to "evolution" and replace them with the term "biological changes over time," a revision critics say will further weaken learning in a critical subject.
Elevator + Chopper = *whack*
Military Chopper Involved In Denver Hospital Accident
DENVER -- An Air Force helicopter was damaged on a Denver hospital landing pad, but no one was injured. A spokesman for F.E. Warren Air Force Base said that an elevator at Presbyterian-Saint Luke's Medical Center rose and struck the tail of a UN-1N Huey helicopter while it was sitting empty on the landing pad. No one was in the elevator at the time.No shit! You don't say!
The elevator sustained $25,00 to $35,000 damage in the accident, according to Stephanie Lewis, a hospital spokeswoman. She also speculated that the helicopter had parked in the wrong place on the roof.
The RIAA: We Still Suck
DJs mix CDs attacked in attempt to control copyright
The Record Industry Association of America (RIAA) has launched a new campaign against DJs in an attempt to control copyright infringement.The RIAA is also working on confiscating every illegal drug on the market, because it "has some relation to music -- we're sure of it."
They have already confiscated $100,000’s worth of mix CDs from independent record stores across the US.
DJ mix CDs, sold in almost every independent record store are on the whole unlicensed and technically illegal to distribute. However, DJs and producers alike often rely upon these illegal mixes in order to gain credibility, and to promote themselves to the general public.
The practice is in fact approved of by most producers who see it as fundamental to the survival of the dance scene - even if it is their tracks that are being copied and played without permission.
This latest attack by the RIAA is therefore hypocritical – they claim that their pursuit of copyright infringement is primarily in the interest of the artist, yet most dance producers actually approve of and rely upon this illegal distribution.
Why don't they start controling the artists -- not the music?
...or its consumers.
Thursday, January 29, 2004
*News Alert* Pixar, DIsney to Split Ways
FOXNews.com - Foxlife - Pixar, Disney to Go Separate Ways
Pixar Animation Studios is ending talks aimed at continuing its relationship with The Walt Disney Co. and will seek a deal with another studio, Pixar chief executive Steve Jobs said Thursday. "After 10 months of trying to strike a deal with Disney, we're moving on," Jobs said in a prepared statement. "We've had a great run together -- one of the most successful in Hollywood history-- and it's a shame that Disney won't be participating in Pixar's future successes."Ouch, Stevey...
Well, this could mean big trouble for Disney, and the future of little children being eternally happy.
Then again, this is really a lose-lose situation.
For the Love of All Things Moral...
Swedes have more and more animal sex:
Animal sex is not illegal in Sweden, and every year between 200 and 300 pets are injured because of sexual assaults.So - have your pets spayed or neutered!
[Updated Punchline:] Well, this certainly gives new meaning to the term "domestic partner."
[Thanks to Ryan Miller for the find.]
It's Alive -- Well, Kinda.
Spirit Sends First Photo Since Troubles Began
NASA's troubled rover Spirit has sent a new photograph back from Mars. It is the robot's first significant data transmission since its computer went haywire last week.Unfortunately, that image happened to be a photoshop of President Bush humping a Mars rock.
A BS.com Exclusive
The Ball State Daily News - YMCA: no family pass
You heard it hear first folks. Well, more than likely anyway:A mother of three and her domestic partner were denied a family membership at a local YMCA after having been told by three managers they were eligible.Wow - quite the movement.... when the YMCA is saying "no" to gay couples. Sounds like America needs an overhaul.
Anginette Dearing, a student at Ivy Tech on the Ball State connect program, and Betty Hancock, a therapist, have been together for three years and now live together. The two raise Dearing's three children from her former marriage.
"They told us that they can't honor our membership because of the same-sex relationship," Dearing said.
Starting with the non-for-profits....
Keep Your Hands To Yourselves, You Two!
R. Kelly must stay away from Jackson
R. Kelly won’t be mingling with Michael Jackson during next month’s Grammy festivities: A judge has ordered the R&B star, who is awaiting trial on child pornography charges, to stay away from the King of Pop, himself facing child molestation charges, when Kelly attends the awards.Wait - who needs to stay away from who here?
Aw, hell - Just let 'em both out after each other; it won't be any different than two dogs sniffin' each othe....
I'll spare you the rest of that statement.
Wednesday, January 28, 2004
Okay - so we really F-d up...
Profiling system flagged 9 hijackers
Nine of the Sept. 11, 2001, hijackers were identified as possible security risks by the government's passenger-profiling system before boarding their flights, the commission investigating the attacks revealed Tuesday. Following the guidelines in place at the time, officials at three of the nation's airports merely searched their baggage for explosives rather than questioning or searching the men.Now, they'd just be anal raped, searched, and then let on the plane.
At least three of the 19 hijackers set off metal detectors at Washington Dulles International Airport but were allowed to proceed to their gates. Two were scanned by screeners with hand-held metal detectors, according to an airport videotape.
Glad to see this has changed...
Woman gets past N.Y. airport security with stun gun, knifeA woman passed through security screening at New York's LaGuardia Airport with a stun gun and knife in her purse ---- but later discovered the mistake herself and alerted authorities.
Uhoh!
FBI to probe MyDoom e-mail virus:
The FBI has launched a probe into the MyDoom e-mail virus which is rapidly infecting computers around the world.Who's next? The TSA?
Tuesday, January 27, 2004
Shovel = Death
Mystery Man Killed After Terrorizing Neighborhood
A man armed with a snow shovel was shot and killed after he repeatedly attempted to attack an officer, according to police. Nick Braun, who was driving in the area, said the man then attempted to attack his car. "As I was going around him on the shoulder ... he hit my car with a shovel," said Braun. Witnesses said the man appeared to be irrational, was screaming and swinging the snow shovel violently at the cars.Frosty the Snowman was 35.
Mix, Rinse, Race, Repeat.
Bartenders test their mettle at Butte's first bar-keep Olympics
So where do you go out to afterwards? Anyone?
Sam Walton Continues to Roll in Grave
Wal-Mart parking could surround Revolutionary War graves:
HUNTSVILLE, Ala. (AP) -- Efford Bentley never would have envisioned a Wal-Mart Supercenter as his final resting place.Wal-Mart keeps digging a deep, deep hole with the American public. (Or in this case, attempting to dig up one...)
But if developers have their way, a Wal-Mart parking lot will surround his grave. Bentley is one of at least two Revolutionary War veterans from Madison County buried in a historic east Huntsville cemetery. The Wal-Mart and a mix of other stores are planned for the Stewart property on the south side of the intersection of Moores Mill Road and U.S. 72.
Either way, if they keep this up, they'll be the next blue light special.
Ashcroft Continues to Draw Odd Conclusions
Saddam's 'evil chemistry' justified war: Ashcroft
VIENNA - Saddam Hussein's past use of "evil chemistry" and "evil biology" and the threats they posed justified the war in Iraq, even if no weapons of mass destruction are ever found, U.S. Attorney General John Ashcroft said today. "I believe there is a very clear understanding that Saddam Hussein continued to pose a threat," Ashcroft said. "Weapons of mass destruction, including evil chemistry and evil biology, are all matters of great concern, not only to the United States, but also to the world community," he said.Adding, "We will defeat this evil by using 'happy chemistry' and 'happy biology.'"
Mars Rover 'Spirit' Apperantly Using Windows...
On Mars, Getting Ready to Roll
As the fit and healthy rover Opportunity sent home its first color snapshot from Mars, engineers reported Monday that its ailing twin, Spirit, seemed to be suffering from a problem familiar to many earthlings: It was trying to manage too many files.A shipment of manilla folders was set to arrive tomorrow courtesy of FedEx's express seven-month delivery.
Monday, January 26, 2004
Post 9-11 Paranoia Falls Victim to Common Sense
Part of Patriot Act Ruled Unconstitutional
A federal judge has declared unconstitutional a portion of the USA Patriot Act that bars giving expert advice or assistance to groups designated foreign terrorist organizations.Yay for victory!
From the Incest Files...
Man sentenced for marrying his 15-year-old cousin
A member of Utah's polygamous Kingston clan was sentenced Monday to a year in prison for taking a 15-year-old cousin -- who was also his aunt -- as his wife.Only in Utah, folks...
Jeremy Ortell Kingston pleaded guilty to incest in an arrangement with prosecutors. The felony charge will be reduced to a misdemeanor if Kingston successfully completes three years' probation. Kingston was 24 when he took LuAnn Kingston as his fourth wife in 1995. Family members say he has at least 17 children.
Dave's Thought of the Day
Isn't "Unsolved Mysteries" a little redundant?
*News Alert:* WaWa Go BryBry
Walters to Step Down As '20/20' Co-Host:
NEW YORK - Barbara Walters, who has interviewed scores of the famous and infamous in a legendary television career, said Sunday she will step down this fall as host of the ABC newsmagazine '20/20' after 25 years.The 74 year old will now join the cast of 60 minutes.
Sunday, January 25, 2004
New Feature!
For those of you who know and/or care:
Bewildered Society now streams via XML/RSS.
The source is located at the bottom of this blog, so enjoy.
If you don't know what I'm talking about, trust me: you probably don't care. :)
Why 'Motel 6' Worries Me: Reason 223
Photo Leads To Indecent Exposure Arrest
Police arrested a Van Buren man for indecent exposure after he left a photo of his genitals on a motel vending machine, police said. Authorities believe Curtis Leo Dechaine, 40, left the photo taped to a drink machine at Motel 6, 1700 Fayetteville Road, on Jan. 8. “It was in a public area where anyone staying at the motel could have come in and found it,” Grill said. The photo had Dechaine’s cell phone number on it, so an undercover police officer called him and set up an appointment.Authorties say the arrest wasn't easy, but all things considered: "He hung himself out to dry on this one."
Howard Dean: Human Noise Maker
CNN.com - Dean: 'I have all kinds of warts' - Jan. 23, 2004
Three days after the scream "heard 'round the world," Democratic presidential candidate Howard Dean was still trying to explain his frenzied speech following his third-place finish in the Iowa caucuses. "I was having a great time," he told ABC's Diane Sawyer on Primetime Thursday. "I am not a perfect person, believe me, I have all kinds of warts. I wear cheap suits sometimes, I say things that I probably ought not to say, but I lead with my heart, and that's what I was doing right there, leading with my heart."Adding, "Like that whole 'We're going to Michigan' thing; Forget that, it doesn't matter... I don't even know where Michigan is."
Judy Dean also denied charges that her husband has a temper. "He just doesn't get that angry. I mean, he doesn't. You know, he just, he's very kind, very considerate, and... it just doesn't happen," she said."Yeaghrrrrrrrrrrrrrr"
So, I know you've heard of the few precious Howard Dean remixes circulating the 'net right now.
Well, we found the motherload!
Pay close attention to this one: Howard Dean: Reloaded!
*Insert Verizon Joke Here*
Top Ten Signs You Talk Too Much:
Cell Phone Batteries Can Leave Users Burned
MIAMI -- A South Florida man got burned by his cell phone -- and not his bill. He was literally burned. Robert Clifford says, "People think I'm joking at first. I show them the burn and it freaks them out." Clifford said his right ear was in pain for weeks after his cell phone battery went berserk. It got so hot it caused the face of the phone to heat up. Clifford put it to his ear not knowing the potential danger of his lithium-ion battery, and ended up with burns that turned to painful blisters.
Not On My Stage, Bitch
Loyola Univ. Blocks 'Vagina Monologues'
NEW ORLEANS - Loyola University has blocked a campus production of Eve Ensler's "The Vagina Monologues," apparently after the Jesuit school's president voiced concerns about the play's language.Hmm.. Could you call this one a cock block?
Yeaghrrrr!
For those of you who can't stop getting your Howard Dean Iowa Speech fill, here's an audio link for real player:
Your's to play, Again and Again...
©2003-2007 David Studinski/Bewildered Society, unless otherwise noted.