Saturday, January 10, 2004
Where Failed Technical Writers End Up
Pay close attention to the wording and the attention to detail on the back of this product at Wal-Mart.
Yeah - Figure 2 really helped.
Giant Caring Corporation Screws Employees Over; People Surprised
Wal-Mart settles lawsuit over insurance policies on workers
Wal-Mart Stores Inc. has settled a lawsuit over its practice of taking out life insurance on employees and making itself the beneficiary.I'm sure Sam Walton would be proud! Leave it to Wal-Mart to set the standard for screwing people over!
Always.
Friday, January 09, 2004
"Can I Go Potty?"
Australians given mid-air toilet advice:
Qantas airline said on Wednesday that it would comply with the demand, issued by the US Transport and Security Administration (TSA), just before Christmas, that passengers are asked not to congregate near the planes' toilets.Because, of course, this is a very popular thing to do on an aircraft. Right, mate?
Australia's Deputy Prime Minister and Transport Secretary, John Anderson, said he was 'surprised' by the directive, which he described as 'a little bit hard to handle'.Hard to handle, indeed.
Bush Wants To Tour Moon, Mars
Costly Space Plans
Senior officials say in a speech next week, the president will unveil plans to send U.S. astronauts to build a permanent station on the moon. They say he'll also set the goal of sending Americans to Mars.Sounds like a good use of tax dollars to me, right? It can't be that bad.
Estimates of the costs of these ventures top half a trillion dollars, which is roughly the size of the federal deficit for the current year alone.Mother f#&@er!
Apple Now Grabbing Ankles
HP to Sell Own Version of Apple iPod Music Player:
Computer and printer maker Hewlett-Packard Co. HPQ.N said on Thursday it will soon sell a digital music player based on Apple Computer Inc.'s AAPL.O popular iPod player and announced plans for a home 'entertainment hub.'
Today's Dose of Common Sense c/o The Red Cross
Patriots fans have zeal to keep selves warm:
According to the Red Cross, here's one of many tips to help keep your pregame tailgate safe:
'Avoid drinking caffeine or alcohol. Caffeine is a stimulant and can make the heart beat faster, hastening the effects of the cold on the body. Alcohol is a depressant and can slow the heart, also hastening the ill effects of cold body temperatures.'In fact, while you're at it, avoid football altogether.
Or any sport for that matter.
Thursday, January 08, 2004
If You Can't Beat It... Climb Inside of the Damn Thing
Oh, yes: we have pictures.
Boy gets stuck inside arcade machine
It was an act worthy of a Las Vegas magic show. While his dad was on a phone nearby, Timmy Novotny somehow squeezed inside a machine at a Piggly Wiggly supermarket last Sunday. Once he crawled through the small opening for dispensing stuffed animals, he realized the door only opened one way. He was stuck inside the glass enclosure.I'm shortly amused with the fact that the supermarket's name was "Piggly Wiggly."
Let's hire this kid to head national security.
Wednesday, January 07, 2004
9|11 Memorial Debates: Day 812...
9/11 Memorial Design Selected
Sally Regenhard, whose firefighting son died in the twin towers' collapse, is more emphatic. She's a member of the Coalition of 9/11 Families. "All of the finalists looked like a combination of a trip to Disney World and a big box store," she says. "This is sanitized. You would never know that nearly 3,000 people met a brutal and unnecessary death here."No comment on this one. What do you think? Comments enabled!
Welcome! You've Got Irony!
AOL to fight ad 'spyware'
NEW YORK -- America Online says it will protect members from Internet "spyware," secretly installed programs that can monitor online activity, collect personal information and bombard people with advertising.AOL immediately halted its press conference minutes later after it realized it would be forcing millions of users worldwide to remove its own software.
NASA Gets All Technical on our Asses
Imprint shows Mars craft landed in 'weird stuff'
As Mars rover Spirit slid to a stop on the Red Planet, it mashed the soil, leaving a mess like nothing seen before. "It is bizarre," said Steve Squyres, principal investigator on the NASA team. "It's strangely cohesive. It's not like anything I've ever seen before. It's weird stuff."Back in February, NASA's team described Columbia's accident as, "weird sh*t."
TSA Strikes Again!
Passenger Removed From Paris-to-Cincinnati Flight
HEBRON, Ky. — A woman was taken off a Paris-to-Cincinnati flight just before it left France on Tuesday because of suspicious wires poking out of her leather jacket. Security officials later determined she was not a threat. It turned out that the motorcycle jacket was designed to heat up like an electric blanket to keep the wearer warm, officials said.Wait, there's more:Hafiz Aboulhosn, 53, said he was one of several people questioned in Paris and among about 10 Middle Eastern men questioned at the Cincinnati airport. "I wasn't upset about it," said Aboulhosn, an engineer for General Electric Co.'s jet engine division in suburban Cincinnati. "I'm glad they're doing it. I would suspect everybody from the Middle East because of what is going on."See! Racial profile away... they're okay with it!
What'd You Do At Camp Today?
Virginia Lawmaker Wants Ban On Nudist Camps For Kids
RICHMOND, Va. -- There will be no more bathing suit-optional summer camps in Virginia, if one lawmaker gets his way. State legislator Jack Reid is authoring a bill to ban nudist summer camps for kids. The White Tail nudist resort held a week-long session last June, for children 11-18 years old. Under current law, a camp for naked kids is legal in Virginia, as long as lewd activity isn't involved.I don't know what's more disturbing: the fact that this is already taking place, or that it's okay with parents present.
But Reid said he wants to put an end to kids "running around naked without their parents there."
Hmm... Mr. Elected Offical, Sir - don't we have better shit to be doing in our government?
Let the families govern themselves, prick.
I'm Lovin' (sh)It.
McDonald's Suggests Low-Fat Menu OptionsNew posters and brochures, prominently displayed in restaurants in New York, New Jersey and parts of Connecticut, tell customers how to modify McDonald's existing menu — by leaving out the bun or cheese, for example — to reduce their intake of fat, carbohydrates and calories.That is, of course, if you count McDonald's as "food," and diet as "anything with a slight chance of quasi-normal consumption."
"We are trying to educate our customers that the foods they love at McDonald's can fit into the diet they're on," said Cristina Vilella, marketing director for the fast food company's New York metro region office in Roseland, N.J.
Americans Continue to Prove Anal Retentive Powers
From the Crazy Clinton Files:
Hillary Clinton Regrets Gandhi Joke at Fund-raiser
Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton apologized for joking that Mahatma Gandhi used to run a gas station in St. Louis, saying it was "a lame attempt at humor." The New York Democrat made the remark at a fund-raiser Saturday. During an event here for Senate candidate Nancy Farmer, Clinton introduced a quote from Gandhi by saying, "He ran a gas station down in St. Louis."Now, really -- you think we'd know better than this by now, Mrs. Clinton.
But I wonder if that's the same gas station Clinton got his cigars at...
Tuesday, January 06, 2004
RIAA Bragging? Pirate Away!
Music piracy fall linked to lawsuit threat:
But a study released at the weekend suggests the industry's high-profile lawsuits have dramatically curtailed Americans' online music-sharing habits.Yes, indeed -- suing our nation's youth and our nation's elderly has done spectacular things for the music industry.
Like drunken one night marriages! What a wonderful thing to teach America - thanks pop culture!
Oh, and let's forget iTunes and Napster debuting with their pay services...
RIAA, get off your damn horse: you still suck.
Astronauts Get Bedtime Story from NASA
Space Station Experiencing Drop In Air Pressure
Yeah - I know -- just what you wanna see in a headline, right?
CAPE CANAVERAL, Fla. -- The International Space Station is experiencing a slow, steady drop in air pressure, and American and Russian flight controllers are investigating possible causes of the leak. Mission Control notified astronaut Michael Foale and cosmonaut Alexander Kaleri about the leak just before their bedtime late Monday afternoon.Oh-- good, thanks for the lovely information -- SLEEP TIGHT!
It's Good To Play With Yourself Together
Publisher goof lets porn ad slip into video game.
Yes, even the internet can manage to help kick its marketer's ass!
Game developer/publisher Ubisoft and, to a lesser extent, Microsoft are both feeling the sting of that lesson these days as the failure to purchase a URL prominently displayed in one of the Xbox's flagship titles this holiday season has turned the game into an inadvertent advertisement for a Web site featuring hard core pornography.Props to the soul, Tony Ashcraft, who was clever enough to catch this MS oversight.
Monday, January 05, 2004
Welcome to the New BS.com!
It's here!
We've spent countless restless nights working hard to bring you the latest BS.com feature:
A redesign.
Granted - the majority of the site as stayed the same, but we've drastically changed what you like the most: this blog.
Thank us by voting! (Look a few posts below)
And now, a few of the new features:
-Open me up: Links to websites, excluding those related to BS.com, now open in their own browser windowWe appreciate your comments and input! Please, contact us and let us know what you think of the new design, as well as what you'd like to see in the future.
-Faster, damnit: The blog and its archives are now stored on our own server, allowing a more stable connection to the blog
-User-friendlier: Quotes from sources will now be quoted like this, instead of our boring (and hard to read) italic font
-Head: All posts now have titles/headers, to help you find the content you want faster
-Arithmetic: The new style of BS.com is easier to read; we've added divisions all over the place to help make the page easier on the eye. (But still expect some challenges for your mind, slacker.)
-Reach out: Thanks to a new contact page (link is over on the left navigation bar), I'm now easier to get ahold of! No need to fire up your email client: just shoot me a thought or email from the site!
-Ad-free: Seeing as we host our own files now, the blog has now become free of advertisements -- yay!
In the meanwhile, take a look around... and welcome to the new BewilderedSociety.com!
Sunday, January 04, 2004
Your chance to make Dave a happy guy
VOTE FOR ME OR I WILL KILL THIS PUPPY
Go here:
Fairvue Central >Fourth Annual Weblog Awards
Scroll down and vote for me in all the categories you think I belong in.
Tagline: "Where Life Meets Satire."Don't forget to vote especially in: best-kept secret, most humorous, best new, and best of the year. (Mostly towards the bottom.)
Nominee: Bewildered Society
URL: http://www.bewilderedsociety
Thanks, and I'll love you for ever.
And so will the cute little puppy.
Get the kids: It's time for some cornhole fun!
Look what's happening at the U.S. Bank Arena in Cinci on Feb. 20!
"The Inaugural Cincinnati Cornhole Classic":
Joy of all joys! Tell me more!
U.S. Bank Arena proudly announces the 1st Annual Cincinnati Cornhole Classic Tournament. The tournament takes place Friday, February 20, 2004 at 5 p.m. at the Arena.:-O A personalized cornhole set!?! WOW! I gotta see this...
$5,000 cash in total prize money will be given away. In addition, cornhole sets and other prizes will be given away at the event. The first place team takes home $2000, a personalized cornhole set, four tickets to the February 21 Cincinnati Cyclones game and a suite for 12 people to see country crossover superstar Shania Twain at U.S. Bank Arena on May 22, 2004.
Tickets for spectators will be available. More information will be released shortly.Thank heavens!
BTW:
Often compared to horseshoes, cornhole is a bean-bag toss game, played in teams of two, that is rumored to have been invented in Cincinnati.This as opposed to the other cornhole games, which tend to be played in San Fransisco...
Fly or Die?
Cities Fight Over Busiest Airport Status
A rivalry over which airport is the world's busiest has pitted Chicago against Atlanta, with each city saying its hub holds the record.I'm not really "looking for" this competition, are you? I was slightly more concerned with someone using my plane as a giant WMD.
O'Hare spokeswoman Monique Bond downplayed the airport rivalry, but insisted O'Hare is the world's busiest.
"It's one of those lighthearted competitions, so to speak, that people always look to at the end of the year," Bond said.
But - you go right ahead with your competition! Free suckers for the winners!
Where are the terrorists when you need them?
Britney's corkin' Eve
Britney Spears partied into the night with pals at the Palms hotel in Las Vegas on New Year's Eve — sparking a controversy over just how much she had to drink.Wait - so not only could we have "eliminated" three of the latest humor targets, but the Hilton sisters were in a hotel other than... well, a Hilton?
"Britney was drinking loads at dinner," said the Mirror. "When the meal was over she and her friends went to the Ghost Bar, which is at the top of the hotel, to see in the New Year. She wanted to see all the fireworks.
"Basketball star Kobe Bryant and the Hilton sisters were in the bar, too. Afterwards she went to Rain, which is also in the hotel, and carried on partying with her friends. She must have drunk at least three bottles of champagne."
Craziness!
Have we found Uranus?
'We just landed on Mars'
NASA's $410 million Spirit rover signaled its safe arrival on the Martian surface Saturday at 9:51 p.m. p.m. MST, triggering a boisterous celebration from researchers eager to embark on a three-month search for evidence that the desolate planet may once have harbored oases suitable for life.Still no Osama.
Still no world peace.
Still no cure for cancer.
But damnit we've got a cute little robot on a planet roughly 78,000,000 km away!
©2003-2007 David Studinski/Bewildered Society, unless otherwise noted.