Saturday, December 06, 2003
American Air Names Beer as Its New CFO:
DALLAS (Reuters) - American Airlines said on Friday it will tap James Beer, the vice president for Europe and Asia at the world's largest airline, to replace Jeff Campbell as its chief financial officer.
hehe... clever.
Friday, December 05, 2003
Rave to play 'Rings' special editions
Slighted for weeks after big-name movies play in Los Angeles and New York, one Fort Wayne theater can claim victory in nabbing exclusive extended versions of the first two installments of "The Lord of the Rings" trilogy.
Rave Motion Pictures at Jefferson Pointe 18 is one of only 100 theaters nationwide, handpicked by "The Lord of the Rings" distributor New Line Cinema, to debut the special editions on the big screen.
Yay Fort Wayne!
Boo LOTR!
Motorist gets vehicle registered online during traffic stop
When officer Jason Zier pulled over a 1992 Mazda 626 on Thursday afternoon, the vehicle's registration had expired. By the time he'd finished writing up Sean Leach for the infraction, the car was legal again.
That's because the 36-year-old Jersey City man had a cell phone, a friend with a computer who he could reach and the foresight to use the New Jersey Motor Vehicle Commission's online registration service.
Leach's ingenuity did not save him from getting a ticket, but it did keep him from having his car towed and getting socked with the towing bill.
Yah -- so take that! Long live the Internet!
Report shows weather is top cause of late flights:
WASHINGTON -- The nation's 17 largest airlines were to blame for at least 116,000 late flights within the USA from June through October -- about 4.3% of all flights -- according to data published for the first time by the government Thursday.
But weather, not airline problems, caused the bulk of flight delays, new data released by the Department of Transportation shows.
Wait -- we needed a NEW study to tell us that?
Roller coaster derails at Tokyo Disneyland
CHIBA -- A roller coaster derailed Friday at Tokyo Disneyland's (TDL) "Space Mountain," but no injuries were reported as it luckily occurred as the vehicle was coming to a halt, officials said.
Disney, Disney -- not going good, is it?
AHHH - CURSE THE MATRIX! HOLLYWOOD KILLS!!!
D.C. Sniper Case Continues
The trial will begin its fifth week Monday with the testimony of Dewey Cornell, a clinical psychologist at the University of Virginia who was appointed by the court as the defense’s mental health expert.
Cornell’s presentation will include a 12-minute clip of the film “The Matrix” as well as clips of violent video games that Malvo and Muhammad played together.
Social worker Carmeta Albarus testified Thursday about Malvo’s interest in “The Matrix,” in which the hero shoots his way out of a computer-imposed world of virtual reality.
There is no indication in Malvo’s case that “The Matrix” is a core issue of the insanity defense.
Albarus was not permitted to talk about Malvo’s impressions of the film. But she said she watched the movie and saw Malvo in the role of the hero, Neo, who brings about a massive societal change. Muhammad filled the role of Morpheus, who served as Neo’s mentor, Albarus said.
You Better Watch Out: The Hazards of the Season
The state of Virginia this past summer adopted new fire codes that prohibit certain apartment dwellers from possessing a freshly cut Christmas tree. The rationale is that, in buildings without sprinkler systems, dried-out Christmas trees can become lethal. A fir so easily becomes a fire.
Because we all know that every American household comes standard with a sprinkler system...
Visit the site for details on other things that should be banned from holiday celebrations...
Secret Service listening to Eminem lyrics for threat to president:
An unreleased tune by Detroit rapper Eminem called ``We as Americans'' was the subject of a top-of-the-page report on the rabble-rousing conservative web site www.drudgereport.com on Friday. The song contains the lyric ``I don't rap for dead presidents. I'd rather see the president dead.'' While ``dead presidents'' is commonly used slang for money, the exact intent of the politically tinged song -- which includes references to cruising Gratiot, Osama Bin Laden and Eminem's troubles with the law -- isn't clear.
John Gill, U.S. Secret Service spokesman, said: ``We are aware of the lyrics, and we are in the process of determining what action, if any, should be taken.'' Making a threat against the president is a federal crime, and the Secret Service is known for seriously investigating such incidents.
He can sell records - but he's evidently not too law-savy.
Lose yourself in the music, the moment, the lawsuits....
Thursday, December 04, 2003
In The `Bigger Penis Or World Peace' Debate, Peace Wins
Here's more proof men are more sensitive than women think: A new survey shows that if given a choice between a bigger penis and world peace, 90 percent would choose world peace.
Well, I guess this says a hell of a lot of President Bush's aspirations and dreams.
...and that John Lennon's well hung.
[Props to Willo for the Lennon comment]
BEING USED
NICOLE Kidman shouldn't count on marrying Lenny Kravitz. The super-confident rocker has confessed to pals he isn't really in love with the Oscar-winning Australian stunner, and is spending a lot of time with her partly because her fame helps raise his profile and sell records.
Adding, "Oh -- yeah... The sex? Yeah, well that's great, too..."
Music Industry Sues Even Computerless-Citizens
Among the RIAA's recent targets is retiree Ernest Brenot, 79, of Ridgefield, Wash., who wrote in a handwritten note to a federal judge that he does not own a computer nor can he operate one.
Brenot was accused of illegally offering for download 774 songs by artists including Vanilla Ice, U2, Creed, Linkin Park and Guns N' Roses.
Brenot's wife, Dorothy, said she and her husband were stunned by the claims, offended at the suggestion they listened to such music.
And not to worry, Dorthy: Most classical work is copyright free.
Now, take those little sh*ts from the RIAA out back, bend 'em over your knee, and give 'em what they've had commin' to 'em.
FAO Schwarz owner files for bankruptcy
PHILADELPHIA - Unable to pump up holiday sales or find a buyer, the owner of FAO Schwarz toy stores filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection Thursday, less than eight months after emerging from an earlier 100-day bankruptcy.
Santa Clause: "Boo-yah."
Bad Landing For Goodyear Blimp
The "Spirit of America" broke loose from its mooring lines while trying to land last night and drifted into a parked truck and piles of mulch at a nearby plant nursery.
Authorities say it may have been a Firestone Tire, Co. operator...
"Oh, the hilarity!"
[For pictures visit the site.]
[Props to Willo for punchline two]
Wednesday, December 03, 2003
BUDGET airline Ryanair is expanding — by giving its flying angel logo bigger boobs.
You just really need to see this one...
"Season's Greetings, f*cker!"
Grinch runs smack into poetic justice
A man who stole a Salvation Army donation pot from a disabled woman Tuesday was hit by a car when he tried to escape, police said.
'Santa' to Visit Class to Prove He's Real:
Some parents said they were outraged when their children came home to tell them their teacher at Annabel C. Perry Elementary School in Miramar, Fla., had informed them there was no Santa Claus.
"We made a phone call to the North Pole and as soon as Santa Claus heard what happened he decided he would drop everything and make a trip down to South Florida,' explained Joe Donzelli, a community relations specialist for the Broward Co. School Board. "
More proof that school districts live in a land of make-believe...
Employers: "Alcohol and work mix well":
One of five Norwegian employers said they did not mind if their employees took a drink at work during the days before Christmas.
Employees: "'I think having a f*cking or two during the day is a perfectly beer idea. Now... Where the hell wasn't I?"
Admire the Eiffel Tower in Birmingham
PASSENGERS on a ferris wheel in Britain's second largest city, Birmingham, have been amused to hear a French commentary inviting them to admire the River Seine and the Eiffel Tower.
"We were planning to remove the French commentary and replace it with facts and figures about the wheel of Birmingham and the city in English," said a spokesman for World Tourist attractions.
"Unfortunately there have been complex technical difficulties that have meant that we cannot now do this within the time that the wheel is in Birmingham. We will, however, remove the French commentary as soon as possible to prevent confusion."
En d'autres termes : ils sont baiser trop juste paresseux.
From the "It Pays to Do Bad Things" Department:
A Lawsuit Against "Big Alcohol" for Advertising to Underage Drinkers
On November 13, Ayman Hakki filed a lawsuit in Washington, D.C., against several alcohol producers. The suit claims that in an effort to create brand loyalty in the young, the defendants have for over two decades deliberately targeted their television and magazine advertising campaigns at consumers under the legal drinking age.
Hakki asks for damages including all of the profits the defendants have earned since 1982 from the sale of alcohol to minors. He is also seeking class-action status for his suit. The plaintiff class would consist of all parents whose underage children purchased alcohol in the last twenty-one years.
The lawsuit against makers of beer and liquor resembles earlier litigation against tobacco companies in which plaintiffs identified commercial advertising targeted at children, including the famous "Joe Camel" character. Such suits paved the way for major settlements against Big Tobacco.
Cheers!
! HOLIDAY TRAVEL ALERT !
Indianapolis PD Running Out Of Traffic Tickets
Faced with critical shortages, IPD leaders asked district officers to give up their tickets to the traffic branch, and even borrowed tickets from other police agencies. Even with the rationing, IPD could run out of tickets in 10 days, RTV6's Jack Rinehart reported.
And finally, some truth:
"They don't need to give them out anyway. I mean, half the ones they do give out, they don't need to," motorist Linda Wilson said.
Police admit the ticket shortage has raised the bar of tolerance, forcing officers to ration out tickets to the most serious offenders. But police say there is a definite link between traffic tickets and traffic control.
And this in from Utah, of all places...
Tree Made of Beer Cans Draws Controversy at Tree Festival
Sandy, Utah (AP) - Organizers at a Festival of Trees in Utah are telling one exhibitor to cover up part of her tree.
Carole Robinson's display is named "Jingle Buds." It's constructed out of 1500 open Bud Light cans.
Tuesday, December 02, 2003
Next flu pandemic could wreak global havoc, scientists warn
The warning sirens are screaming: A deadly, contagious strain of flu will emerge, possibly soon, flu experts say, and the world is not ready to deal with it.
Influenza is serious enough, killing an average of 36,000 people in the USA every year, but because it is caused by strains of the virus that are known to be circulating in the world, vaccines can be prepared to prevent it. This year, a strain that doesn't match up exactly with those in the vaccine has emerged and raised serious concerns, but experts believe the vaccine will still offer some protection.
...Some...
Only 34,000 or so...
Diagnostic Pill Helps Doctors See Digestive Tract
With a single pill loaded with technology similar to a digital camera, doctors can view more than 50,000 still images captured during the trip through the final 20 feet of the small intestine that previously was visible only on X-rays.
Once the images are recorded and the camera belt is removed, the patient simply passes the pill.
Okay, but we have to ask...
"They aren't used again," Moore said.
*Whew!*
Be on time or be fined
WHITTIER -- Two strikes and you're out out of $165, that is.
That's the tardiness policy being implemented at Whittier High School, where students who arrive on campus after the 8 a.m. bell more than twice without being accompanied by a parent will now receive $165 tickets from the Whittier Police Department.
"Last (school) year, the tardies were getting into the 200-300 range every day, and we're well into the hundreds again this year,' Davies said. "We didn't start it up again this fall because we wanted to see how many would start coming in tardy.
Attendance issues? Sounds like another high school I know...
Men prefer cuddles to sex: study:
Holding hands and cuddling are rated more highly than sex by the average American guy, a new survey claimed today.
The survey found 31 per cent of respondents believed 'emotional intimacy' was what American men most wanted in a romantic liaison.
A lower number of respondents, 23 per cent, said sex was a man's number one priority in taking a hot date out for a candle-lit dinner.
In related news, Women's sexual urges are now up 55%.
Rumsfeld Ramble Wins 'Foot in Mouth' Award
Rumsfeld, usually renowned for his uncompromising tough talking, was awarded the "Foot in Mouth" award for a confusing message which probably left his audience in the dark as to its meaning, Britain's Plain English Campaign said.
"Reports that say something hasn't happened are interesting to me, because as we know, there are known unknowns; there things we know we know," Rumsfeld told the briefing.
"We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns -- the ones we don't know we don't know."
..like when the President will be home for dinner on Thanksgiving...
White House Version of Mid-Air Exchange Disputed
WASHINGTON - British Airways said on Monday that none of its pilots made contact with President Bush's plane during its secret flight to Baghdad, contradicting White House reports of a mid-air exchange that nearly prompted Bush to call off his trip.
"Did I just see Air Force One?" the pilot radioed, according to the White House.
There was a pause. Then came the response from Air Force One: "Gulfstream 5" -- a much smaller aircraft.
As one of Bush's aides recounted, the BA pilot seemed to sense that he was in on a secret, and replied: "Oh."
Amazing what a little planning can do for the Bush Administration...
Monday, December 01, 2003
I want to take a little time to congratulate BS.com fan Paul Federspiel for recently appearing in my inbox as the winner of an Apple iPod from a local radio station.
Now, Paul -- just start listening to the right radio station... :)
Sunday, November 30, 2003
McCain: Congress spending money 'like a drunken sailor'
He also decried a $31 billion national energy bill, still pending until at least next year, much of which would fund industry tax breaks.
"The numbers are astonishing," said McCain, an Arizona Republican. "Congress is now spending money like a drunken sailor. And I've never known a sailor drunk or sober with the imagination that this Congress has."
He added, "Now--as for those women at the sailor bars..."
©2003-2007 David Studinski/Bewildered Society, unless otherwise noted.