Friday, October 31, 2003
Happy Haunting...
Thursday, October 30, 2003
Trucks That Hauled Wastewater Later Carried Fruit Juice
CLEARWATER - Minute Maid and Tropicana have stopped using Winter Haven-based Indian River Transport for beverage deliveries because the company brought them juice in truck tankers that previously carried toxic phosphate wastewater.
Pure... Flordia...Feces.
Last week the U.S. Food and Drug Administration and the Florida Department of Agriculture and Consumer Services began investigating the uncommon practice, but officials from both organizations said they have not uncovered anything that represents a threat to public health.
...Just the fact that your orange juice my taste like sh*t -- and, as an added bonus, actually be sh*t!
Cell phone manners vary regionally
Americans’ attitudes about what is and isn’t considered proper cell phone etiquette varies from region to region, a survey conducted for Cingular Wireless shows.
...The survey also showed that Cingular, as expected, actually doesn't have any users.
Wednesday, October 29, 2003
Box Cutters Found Aboard Two Flights
BOSTON -- Federal officials are trying to learn how box cutters made it on board two U.S. Airways planes.
The flight crew of a U.S. Airways Express plane in Boston found one of the box cutters after a flight arrived from Rockland, Maine. There were no passengers aboard.
In Philadelphia, a plane was evacuated after a passenger discovered a box cutter. It was tucked inside a seat-back pouch on a jet that had arrived from Houston and was about 20 minutes away from a scheduled departure for Phoenix. About 80 passengers made a second pass through the airport's security screening system before boarding another flight.
FAA: Play it down, play it down...
MEDIA: Gotcha Again, F*ckers!
Maybe ABC or CBS is behind this - doing another one of their splendid "in-depth" reports...
...we hope.
DOUBLE BAGGER
YOKO Ono still knows how to get a man to take his clothes off. Peter Jennings was interviewing Ono at last week's ArtWalk event for the Coalition for the Homeless when she somehow talked the news anchor into getting inside a giant black bag with her in front of 500 people at Cooper Union's Great Hall. A few moments later, both emerged with Jennings struggling to put his shirt back on and Ono's own garb disheveled.
He, uh.... Was, well... Uh.... Sh*t.
Tuesday, October 28, 2003
THIS JUST IN: SOUTH KOREANS ARE FUNNY
Party's name game turns sour
SEOUL (Reuters) - A newly formed South Korean political party has baffled the country and made itself the butt of jokes by naming itself "Our Party".
The formal name of the left-leaning group is Our Open Party -- symbolising its populism and self-styled reformist vision. But it calls itself "Uri Dang" (Our Party) in Korean and the Uri Party in English.
Sun shoots monster flare at Earth
DEPENDING ON the storm’s magnetic orientation, it could set off a dramatic display of colorful northern lights well into midlatitudes of the United States and Europe.
Auroras are created when the charged solar particles stream down Earth’s magnetic field lines and excite oxygen and nitrogen atoms in the atmosphere. Normally, the auroras are only visible from place near the poles, like Alaska. But when Earth’s magnetic field is overwhelmed, auroras can become visible well into the United States and Europe.
For U.S. residents, Wednesday evening could provide the best chance to see auroras.
YAY! SOMETHING EXCITING IN INDIANA!
School Cooks Claim to Win $95M Powerball
ROSEVILLE, Minn. Oct. 27 — They waited until the students got their lunch, then 15 school cooks and one janitor who each put a quarter into a lottery pool came forward Monday night as the holders of a Powerball ticket worth more than $95 million.
The women started their first Monday as millionaires back on the school lunch line where they fed the students in the tiny Holdingford School District before hopping a bus to the state lottery headquarters to claim their prize.
"It was really tough to be concentrating on the meal," said winner Karen Overman. "I know there's a need for news conferences in the morning, but we've got breakfast to put out."
[Insert warm, fuzzy feeling here]
Some in the group said they didn't plan on giving up their school lunch jobs just yet.
Fools.
"The kids come first," Overman said of the tiny school district outside of St. Cloud, in central Minnesota.
Touching...
They added, "Now get the hell back in line -- and don't you dare throw away that spoon."
Kutcher's Punk'd Show Goes Too Far
Ashton Kutcher's hit prank show Punk'D is beginning to turn nasty with Missy Elliott and Tommy Lee refusing to see the funny side of their humiliation.
Humiliation?
One word for Missy: Your voice.
One word for Lee: Pam tape.
One word for both: P***YS.
Fake $20s Showing Up In Massachusetts
BOSTON -- The new $20 bills have features to make them nearly impossible to counterfeit, but police south of Boston say fake bills have already made it into circulation. Now, the Secret Service is helping in an investigation.
In Brockton, Mass., the phony $20s have been located at Petti's Market, George's Cafe and a Radio Shack. In Bridgewater, Mass., they've shown up at the lunchroom of the Bridgewater-Raynham Regional High School and a McDonald's.
Oh yeah - don't we look good now.
But before we get too critical - let's remember that at least now we're catching these damn things...
...even in the lunchrooms.
St Peter: Rod Roddy, come on down, your the next person to get into heaven
Rod Roddy, Voice of 'Price is Right,' Dead at 66
LOS ANGELES — Rod Roddy (search), the flamboyantly dressed announcer on "The Price is Right" (search) whose booming, jovial voice invited lucky audience members to "Come on down!" for nearly 20 years, died Monday. He was believed to be 66.
[Props to Willo for Story and Punchline]
Monday, October 27, 2003
Neowin.net - Where unprofessional journalism looks better - Updated: Longhorn PDC Build 4051 Leaked
Get your first glimpse at Microsoft's follow-up to Windows XP.
California Wildfires Blaze On
A few blocks away, Audie Desbrow, 46, formerly the drummer for the rock band Great White, surveyed his devastated home. Gone was the recording studio along with hundreds of CDs, music industry awards — everything he owned.
You may remember Great White from their show at a NJ nightclub that caught fire in the midst of the band's set, killing over 95 people.
Irony.
Sunday, October 26, 2003
Fox News Threatened to Sue The Simpsons:
During an interview broadcast today on NPR's Fresh Air, Simpsons creator Matt Groening revealed that the Fox News Network had threatened to sue The Simpsons over a parody of the right-leaning news channel.
According to Groening, the Simpsons team refused to cut out the segment, which Groening told Fresh Air he 'really liked,' figuring that Rupert Murdoch wouldn't allow the Fox News cable network to sue the Fox Broadcast Network, which carries The Simpsons.
...Because they're owned by the same guy...
The Fox News Network did back down on its threat, although it has told The Simpsons creators that in the future, cartoon series will not be allowed to include a 'news crawl' along the bottom of the screen, which might 'confuse the viewers.'
Further proving that FOX considers its viewers to be complete and total dumbasses.
Daily Nexus Online :: Man Jerks Off at Women's Center Fair:
An unidentified man allegedly spotted masturbating in front of the Women's Center evaded capture Thursday after Women's Center staff members called the Community Service Organization and UC Police Dept. to report him. The same man had reportedly been following a female student involved in the event the center was hosting.
Megan Arch, a third-year English major and the programming and sexual harassment coordinator for the Women's Center, said she didn't actually see the man in the act, but...later told...what happened.
And today's lesson is...
"If you need to get it on with yourself, do it at home, not at the Women's Center," she said.
©2003-2007 David Studinski/Bewildered Society, unless otherwise noted.