Friday, October 24, 2003
'Shock and Awe' barrage hits U.S. patent office
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - From condoms to coffees, a wave of trademark applications using "Shock and Awe" in their names is hitting the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office.
Seven months after the most overused cliche of the Iraq War entered American jargon, a Patent Office official said on Thursday it had received 29 "Shock and Awe" applications.
Oh, the humanity...
Leave it to America to capitalize on the deaths of its own and others.
Sources: Site searching for banks to lead offering
NEW YORK/PALO ALTO — Google, the 5-year-old company that redefined the way people search the Internet, is actively seeking bankers to help it sell shares of the company to the public, according to people familiar with the situation.
ME ME ME! I WANT SOME!!!!!
Solar burst could scramble phones, power lines
(CNN) -- Satellites, pagers, cell phones, and electrical grids could be affected Friday by a moderately powerful ejection of magnetic material from the sun
At least this time we'll know what in the hell caused the blackout...
Boston.com / News / Local / Mass. / Wang ousts `Nutcracker' for next year
No really - that's the headline...
... FROM THE BOSTON GLOBE
HEADLINE: Japenese no longer as intelligent as we once thought...
My life as a dog: the text version
DOG lovers in Japan will soon be able to receive mobile phone text messages from their pets.
New technology will allow a $50 mobile phone chip to receive a digital signal from a special dog collar - and in the process translate barking into human speech.
A nose for news?
Did NBC newsman Matt Lauer once experiment with cocaine? That's the allegation being made by an unnamed source in this week's National Enquirer - a man who claims to be his former friend and drug dealer.
"Matt bought cocaine from me five or six times," the source says. The drug use allegedly took place while Lauer presented "PM Magazine" on WJAR in Providence, R.I., in the 1980s.
"He would come to my house, we would do two or three lines of coke together and we would hang out," according to the source.
That would explain the new haircut...
But a rep for the 45-year-old Lauer at the "Today" show says those little white lines are big lies. "The Enquirer reporting of a story that supposedly happened 20 years ago is no different than most of what they print - pure fiction," the spokesman said.
Yes! More humor!
'This is How You Screw' show is off TV
AMSTERDAM, Netherlands - Dutch teens will have to learn about sex the old fashioned way.
The popular sex ed TV show "This Is How You Screw" is off the air. Explicit programming is disappearing from Dutch TV.
The sexually oriented shows scared away advertisers and the broadcasters couldn't compete with the anything-goes Internet.
But wait.. Here's the best part: Journalistic humor:
But "This Is How You Screw" went out with a bang. The last show featured a segment on how to do it in a nightclub.
That's no slum, it's a palace:
Bangkok - A giant banner emblazoned with the image of Bangkok's stunning Grand Palace temple compound has been strung up in front of a sprawling riverside slum to hide the 'eyesore' during this week's Apec summit.
At 360m in length and 10m high, the banner, which was installed on Thursday as the group's foreign affairs and trade ministers jetted into town, is reportedly the largest in the world.
Related story: Bush pushes for giant tarp to cover all of California
X10 Pops into Bankruptcy
X10, the Seattle-area purveyor of Web cameras that rose to prominence with the "pop-under" online web advertising segment, has filed for Chapter 11 protection from its creditors in the wake of ongoing litigation.
There is a God...
Thursday, October 23, 2003
Ball State Student Fakes Cancer
MUNCIE, Ind. - A Ball State University student shaved her head and pretended to be deaf to convince people she had cancer and get them to give her money, prosecutors said.
::Insert Fight Song Here::
AND the sad part is, she was more successful than Ball State's football team has been in the last 10 years.
GM to Rename Car -- Minus Sexy Overtones
MAKUHARI, Japan (Reuters) - General Motors Corp will rename its Buick LaCrosse in Canada because the name for the car is slang for masturbation in Quebec, embarrassed officials with the U.S. automaker said on Thursday.
C'mon - that's got "marketable" written all over it!
...do you think it was an automatic or a stick?
Mich. bans sex for anyone under 16
The state now requires sex education classes to cover the legal consequences of underage sex. As of Oct. 1, it's a crime in Michigan to have sex with anyone under 16, even if it is consensual.
Yeah - great idea!
"Did you do it dude?"
"Yah, man..."
"Did you get arrested?"
"No!"
"Dude... sweet."
Wednesday, October 22, 2003
Sniper suspect quits as own attorney
VIRGINIA BEACH, Va., Oct. 22 — Sniper suspect John Allen Muhammad has changed his mind and will no longer act as his own lawyer in his murder trial, the judge in the case announced Wednesday.
Ahh yes -- reality hits the dumbass again!
Tuesday, October 21, 2003
Work order for attempted banana rape
AMSTERDAM — The Alkmaar Court sentenced three Den Helder fishermen to a 100-hour community work order and a suspended jail term for the attempted rape of a colleague with a banana.
Peeled or not?
Wheelchair flap sparks outcry, calls for fairness
:
Laurens, Ia. - A showdown between a small-town police chief and a boy in a wheelchair has attracted the attention of lawmakers and advocates who say the child is being treated unfairly.
U.S. Sen. Tom Harkin, an Iowa Democrat, said he is investigating the case in Laurens, where 14-year-old Bryce Wiley faces $15 fines for riding his motorized wheelchair on city streets.
An Iowa legislator said she is reviewing state law to see if changes are needed to protect the teen and others like him.
And advocates across the state called on the police chief to reconsider his decision to prohibit Bryce from riding a wheelchair around town.
Bryce uses a wheelchair because he has muscular dystrophy. His parents have asked the police chief to let Bryce have his freedom.
Ignorance is bliss. This man is the reason law enforcement officials get such a bad wrap.
Free Pepsi and Taco for U.S. if World Series Home Run Hits Target:
IRVINE, Calif--Starting tonight, World Series sluggers who step up to the plate may satisfy more than just the nation's appetite for baseball. Taco Bell® and Pepsi® are enticing players to knock a homer onto a 16-person target in the stands behind left field to win a chance to feed everyone in the U.S. a free Crunchy Beef Taco and small Pepsi. This opportunity is available during games three, four and five in Miami to any Florida Marlins or New York Yankee player who hits a ball and strikes the designated six-and-a-half by eight-and-a half-foot target, located in the 'Power Alley' near the left field foul pole at approximately 400 ft. "
In order to help decrease the odds, Taco Bell officials have reportedly invited 200 Cubs fans armed with hats and gloves to surround the target.
[No, Not really]
Principal Accused Of Punching Parent
Jerry Ruffin told Local 4 he was attacked by a school principal when dropping his son off at Winterhalter Junior High in Detroit Monday morning.
Ruffin said he was running late, so he parked his car in the circle drive in front of the school. When Ruffin got out to walk his son up to the school, principal Anthony Jones approached him, Local 4 reported. Jones allegedly cursed at Ruffin and told him to move his car. Ruffin said that as he attempted to walk past, Jones grabbed his shirt. "I walked away from him with my son in my hand, and he grabbed my shoulder and (spun) me around and punched me in my jaw," said Ruffin.
No, no, no! The students are the violent ones, damnit! You have it all wrong!
Bubble gum turn 75
Of all the world's accidental scientific discoveries, the one made by a 23-year-old accountant in 1928 probably ranks among the least useful to humankind.
But when Walter E. Diemer, a junior employee of the Fleer Chewing Gum Company mixed lurid pink food colouring with a vat of gum, corn syrup and sugar, he created a product that delighted millions of children, infuriated an equal number of adults and created a US cultural icon. The product was, of course, bubblegum.
As Diemer's creation celebrates its 75th anniversary today annual sales stand at about $US500 million ($723 million).
Clearly upset with its aging life, Bubblegum responded to millions of children singing the happy birthday song by saying only, "Blow me."
KGWN - UW Fraternity Sanctioned for Alcohol Violations:
A University of Wyoming fraternity has been put on probation for the rest of the school year following a series of alcohol violations.
The probation bans the Sigma Nu fraternity from serving alcohol at its events this fall and requires the group to hold an educational program social responsibility standards.
Hm... Silly Kids.
BewilderedSociety.com currently has a reporter on the scene, and will keep you updated of any changes in this bizarre occurance.
Monday, October 20, 2003
'Some of our members came to us and said they wanted to learn about bondage and how to do it safely,' said Michael Joyce, the pride collective's spokesman. 'I think that should be encouraged.'
Only in college.
Only in Canada.
Sex ed, with a twist
Doctors and nurses get lovers' lane
OSLO (Reuters) - Doctors and nurses saying goodbye to loved ones as they arrive for work have been given a novel "kiss and ride" lane for their cars at a hospital in Norway to prevent staff from blocking ambulances.
The lovers' lane has pink hearts painted on the pavement and signs reading: "Kiss and drive -- when you don't want to be in the way".
Mark one up in the "pathetic" category, please.
Sunday, October 19, 2003
CNN.com - Blaine stunt has taken its toll - Oct. 19, 2003
LONDON, England (CNN) -- With less than a day remaining in his starvation stunt, illusionist David Blaine is said to be suffering from palpitations and breathing difficulties.
Odd - they didn't seem to mention "becoming the visual image of Jesus Christ" in the story...
From the "What Goes Around, Comes Around" Department:
Curses! Editorial gaffe by N.Y. Post
NEW YORK, Oct. 17 — The curse of the Bambino struck the New York Post, too. On the morning after the New York Yankees vanquished the Boston Red Sox to win the American League pennant, some editions of the Post carried an editorial bemoaning a loss for the Bronx Bombers.
Chinese Astronaut Couldn't See Great Wall of China
BEIJING (AP) -- China's first astronaut said he didn't see the Great Wall while in orbit, contradicting a Chinese belief that it is the only structure visible from space.
Yang said he didn't see it, but added that the Earth was "very beautiful."
The report didn't say whether Yang could see any other artificial structures like the pyramids of Egypt or U.S. Interstate 95.
...or U.S. Interstate 95?
Pat Sajak's leap spurs suit by contestant:
Since then, the father of two and computer circuit designer says he has had back surgery and months of pain and rehabilitation, which he contends the producers of 'Wheel of Fortune,' Sony Pictures Entertainment, should be forced to pay for.
Wright, 5 feet 7 inches tall and 153 pounds, said he nearly buckled under Sajak's full-weight embrace. And, having won nearly a year's salary by solving three word puzzles and receiving a warm embrace from letter-turner Vanna White, Wright said he began to feel sharp pains in his back within minutes after the show wrapped.
Police kill man wielding scissors
Yesterday's shooting marked the second time in 18 months that San Diego police have shot and killed a man armed with scissors.
Perhaps we're asking for gun control in the wrong places....
©2003-2007 David Studinski/Bewildered Society, unless otherwise noted.