Friday, September 19, 2003
God, Bush remind Dixie Chicks that they're 'still f*cked'
The wing of a plane carrying the country band the Dixie Chicks clipped the side of a building after the jet landed at Glasgow Airport Friday afternoon, their spokeswoman said.
Rally in Protest
While angry Mepham High School football players staged a walkout yesterday to protest the cancellation of their season, three varsity teammates accused of a sexual assault during a brutal hazing rite were suspended from school.
Sparked by players chanting "Everybody onto the field," dozens of students left their classes at about 10 a.m. yesterday, filling the bleachers as the team began tossing a football.
At its height, the protest drew about 50 students to the field, most of them players and cheerleaders. By noon, though, nearly all the students had returned to class. Administrators monitored the protest but allowed it to end without intervening.
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Three varsity players have been accused of sodomizing three junior varsity players with a broomstick, golf balls and pine cones while the teams were at a preseason training camp in Pennsylvania.
I will congratulate the school for ALLOWING the protest to continue. Such a move is bold, especially from a public school. It's not every day that you hear of a public school allowing its students to have a voice this loud, without punishment.
But that doesn't give the kids any better reason to act like mentally challenged assholes.
They should all get "pine coned" and "broomsticked," and proceed to let it go.
Hell, you know the "sensation" wouldn't be new for the team -- they're football players.
Thursday, September 18, 2003
From the "Fairy Had What Was Coming To Him" Department:
Man Crashes Car During Timberlake Song:
DAYS CREEK, Ore. - A Winston man told police he crashed his car after a bee flew into his mouth while he was singing along with Justin Timberlake's song 'Rock Your Body' on the radio.
Douglas County Sheriff's spokeswoman Pam Frank said John L. Nunes, 19, was trying to get rid of the bee or yellowjacket when his car hit a tree.
Did you catch that age?
Marketing efforts for the new $20
The Department of the Treasury will spend $53 million over the next five years on a public relations campaign to market new money (in addition to the new $20, the budget includes expenditures to promote the planned releases of a new $50 in 2004 and a new $100 in 2005). To do the job, it has signed up a few of Hollywood's leading image makers.
"The goal is public education, to build awareness and trust," said Dawn Haley, a spokeswoman for the Bureau of Engraving and Printing (BEP).
Here's a news flash: It's a mother f*cking paper bill.
Do we really have a choice in the matter?
Omaha.com
NORTH PLATTE - The dog that made Mayor Jim Whitaker a nationwide celebrity has died.
Five years ago, Whitaker raised a lot of eyebrows and some criticism when he pledged to walk naked if $5,000 was raised for the new animal shelter. He soon after made it known that Naked was a stray dog.
..much to the pleasure of the city...
MSNBC.com: Weather Channel braces for storm
With Hurricane Isabel chugging toward an expected rendezvous with the East Coast, you might think the folks at The Weather Channel would be hyperventilating about now. Instead, they’re trying to project the calm before the storm.
“WE DON’T sensationalize,” said Terry Connelly, the network’s general manager. “We don’t create alarm.”
Damn, maybe MSNBC should take a hint...
Wednesday, September 17, 2003
Yah - This is why I love media...
photo|will vragovic
Will, Tom Green and your's truly: Taken today at the Horizon Convention Center in Downtown Muncie, IN.
From the "More Stupid Journalism Puns" Department:
Job As Flatus Odor Judge Really Stinks
Do you think your job stinks? You could be a Flatus Odor Judge.
That's just one of several of the Worst Jobs in Science according to the editors of "Popular Science" magazine, who just compiled the list for the latest issue.
Topping the chart for worst jobs are the odor judges at a Minneapolis gastroenterologist -- they're are paid to smell people's farts to determine potentially critical medical symptoms.
The second crappiest science job is being a Dysentery Stool-Sample Analyzer. That's a person who opens stool canisters and analyzes feces to test the effectiveness of the kit.
Meanwhile, the Barnyard Masturbator, a researcher who collects semen for insemination purposes, comes in third, beating out jobs like Prison Rape Researcher, Carcass Cleaner and Fish Counter.
[See below post first]
Comic Unveils Star-Spangled Penis
A comedian failed to win over his audience when he unzipped his pants on stage and exposed his penis -- painted red, white and blue like the American flag.
Let's just put one of these in every classroom...
CNN.com - I pledge allegiance to the ... tube? - Sep. 15, 2003
ST. PAUL, Minnesota (AP) -- Students at Central High School have been watching TV during the Pledge of Allegiance, but no one's complaining.
Unable to buy enough real flags for the new school year, Central High has taken to showing an image of the American flag on classroom TVs while students make the pledge.
One nation under Sony, indivisble, with walkmans and trinitrons for all.
So sad - we can afford TVs in every classroom, but not flags.
AOL, Time Warner taking first steps on a long road to divorce...
Media conglomerate AOL Time Warner plans to drop "AOL" from its corporate name on Thursday, according to reports. Citing people close to the board, The Washington Post reported Wednesday that the corporation's board of directors is scheduled to approve the name change at a meeting in New York on Thursday.
The Exponent - letters- Sexy ‘men’ show up around campus
It’s quite disturbing when I’m sauntering to class with fellow chums and say, "Holy potatoes! Look at that hottie," and then upon closer inspection notice a moustache above her lip and a bulge in her trousers. I’m very secure in my heterosexuality, but I can’t help but feel a bit dirty scoping out another man. I’ll be honest with you though, I myself have also dressed up like a Catholic schoolgirl a couple times in my day, but in my defense, alcohol and narcotics were a major factor.
Crazy boilers...
Tuesday, September 16, 2003
Dorm Daze (2003)
College Freshmen. Virgin Territory.
National Lampoon is on its way to another collegiate cinema hit...
An Appealing Case: RIAA, Verizon Head Back to Court
The Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA) and Verizon return to court Tuesday when the U.S. Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia hears Verizon's appeal of a January ruling requiring the telecom giant to comply with a subpoena request by the RIAA to reveal the identities of customers who allegedly infringed copyrights using peer-to-peer (P2P) file-sharing networks.
Nice to know at least one conglomerate has some balls...
Monday, September 15, 2003
Town changes name to Viagra, OK.
Yes, the town of Agra is now "Viagra" Oklahoma.
A well-written story full of sexual puns!
How many can you count?
4!
FOX is at it again...
A Battle Royale To Find The Biggest Booger
"The People's Champions" pits folks against each other to set bizarre and sometimes naughty records -- including deep-throating a foot-long kielbasa the furthest, tossing the most grapes into a plumber's butt crack and producing the heaviest booger.
The show premieres Friday (Sep. 19) on the FX cable channel and the debut episode features events like a naked tricycle race and a competition to fart the most times in an elevator while it ascends 11 floors.
Canada's Gay Marriage Debate Coming to a Head
Again... Could we have not found better words for this headline?
When a TV show loses an actor
John Ritter’s unexpected death last week, of course, was most deeply felt by his family and loved ones. Now, in addition to the loss of their colleague and friend, executives at ABC, home of Ritter’s sitcom “8 Simple Rules … for Dating My Teenage Daughter,” are struggling with a difficult business decision.
Details, history of network decisions following a main star's death.
Sunday, September 14, 2003
Passengers Duct-Tape Troublesome Traveler
Airplane passengers and an air marshal subdued and then duct-taped a man who was pacing the aisle and reading loudly from the Bible during a flight from Hawaii, police and witnesses said
Well - the Department of Homeland Security did say we needed to get duct tape...
©2003-2007 David Studinski/Bewildered Society, unless otherwise noted.