Saturday, July 05, 2003
Penis Op Backfires:
London - A German who borrowed £5 000 from his mother for a penis extension is demanding a refund after it ended up shorter and deformed.
Walter Schmidt, 26, said: 'Its shaped like a triangle now after one of the implants slipped down the bottom.
'It's thick at the bottom and pointed at the top - and every time I put a condom on it falls off.'
Again, I restate: he borrowed it from his mother.
Train pervert busted... literally:
The train groper was going about his ordinary business on a Sendai subway line, making life hell for female commuters by fondling them or using his camera-equipped mobile phone to take shots up their skirts.
When a young woman spotted what he was doing and let out a mighty scream, the pervert tried to scamper through the automatically closing carriage doors only to be caught between them by what most men would undoubtedly agree is their most sensitive appendage. [His balls]
Caught red.... well, nevermind.
UK music mistress plays cello in the nude - to help SA school:
Sixteen English grammar school teachers have posed nude for a calendar to raise money for a school in South Africa.
Dr Peter Holding, headmaster of the Sir William Borlase grammar school at Marlow in Buckinghamshire, said yesterday: 'The calendar was the brainchild of the school's head girl, 17-year-old Charlotte Longstaff, and the pupils have formed a company to handle sales.
Well - at least it's a learning experience.
Asked whether the teachers had been hesitant to strip, he said: 'They were very enthusiastic. In fact, we needed only 12 pictures but ended up with 16.'
Wednesday, July 02, 2003
Teen treated for genital gunshot wound
Police report that a 17-year-old boy showed up at the Mary Washington hospital emergency room over the weekend with a gunshot wound to his penis.
:-O
Oops! First lady lets the cat out of the bag
She spilled the beans on her plans for the president's birthday this weekend. Bush turns 57 on July 6.
Eight-year-old "William" from Dayton, knowing the president is traveling to his hometown for Fourth of July celebrations, invited Mrs. Bush to his family's cookout that day. "My Dad said that is a good plan," William wrote. "My Dad will give you his e-mail address. Can you come?"
Sadly, Mrs. Bush replied, she would have to decline as she is remaining at the White House to prepare for the birthday party she is throwing for the president that night.
"I've invited friends for his party and to watch the fireworks from the Truman Balcony," she wrote. "It is a surprise, shhhhhhhhh."
Just wait until you found out what she said about Homeland Security...
Man Turns Tables on Telemarketer
DULUTH, Minn. - An exasperated resident turned the tables on a company that hounded him with telemarketing calls, calling it more than 100 times in two days.
Marc Plaisted said he started calling Minnesota Auto Glass after the St. Peter-based company's telemarketers called him up to three times a day — even after he asked them not to.
"Would you mind f*cking off? Good."
Man Turns Tables on Telemarketer
DULUTH, Minn. - An exasperated resident turned the tables on a company that hounded him with telemarketing calls, calling it more than 100 times in two days.
Marc Plaisted said he started calling Minnesota Auto Glass after the St. Peter-based company's telemarketers called him up to three times a day — even after he asked them not to.
"Would you mind f*cking off? Good."
Tuesday, July 01, 2003
Man attempts to sell 7-inch french fry for sale on eBay:
'I'm counting on this fry making us at least $1 million,' he said.
His ignorance could go for $2.5, I bet...
Let's check in with expert Tamas Houlihan, communications director for the Wisconsin Vegetable Growers Association.
"To be honest, I don't think 7 inches is all that long," he said. "Yes, it's big, but it may not be a record breaker. "
*Blushes*
Holland's treasure now lies encased in tinfoil and wrapped in a Ziploc bag in his freezer. "We didn't want it to shrink or anything," he said earnestly.
Adding, "I've had problems with that before..."
From the "Horrid Irony" Department...
Car crash survivor dies in rescue plane crash:
A Western Cape family is grieving for a young mother who survived a car crash in Namibia on Thursday but died when the light plane carrying her from the wreck to hospital smashed into a nearby mountain.
Monday, June 30, 2003
CedarPoint.com: Top Thrill Dragster Status
And from The Virtual Midway: News
If Top Thrill Dragster isn't repaired by mid-July, Cedar Point will officially close the coaster for the season and reopen it next year, according to Cedar Fair, L.P. CEO Dick Kinzel, the Sandusky Register reported. At this time, the option is only being considered as a last resort.
Cedar Point: America's Blue Balled Roller Coast.
Oy! Dictionary updates are no 'McJob':
A former dot-commer working a McJob was listening to some headbangers while laying out the last of his dead presidents for longnecks and some less than heart-healthy Frankenfood. Confused? Consult the new edition of the Collegiate Dictionary from the folks at Merriam-Webster.
A McWhat?
Sunday, June 29, 2003
Charges Dropped In Scrotum Biting Case:
The Sheriff said the couple got into a scuffle and the woman first bit Mr. Reese on the leg, then proceeded to bite his penis and scrotum. Ms. Burnette chewed off a large chunk of skin from Mr. Reese's scrotum, then ran out to the front porch where she spit the skin to the dogs in the front yard, and one of them ate it according to Sheriff Burnette.
Do unto others....
Sheriff Burnette said Mr. Reese bit the woman on her face, neck and ears. Both were treated at Grandview Medical Center, and later booked in the Marion County Jail on domestic assault charges.
:-O
©2003-2007 David Studinski/Bewildered Society, unless otherwise noted.