Thursday, March 20, 2003
Fellow citizens, we have sent our troops over seas, and into a suggested heartland of terror.
BUT....
Comming to a theater near you: Bulletproof Monk
Well, if this movie isn't just begging for lawsuits...
Break out the Outkast... here we go.
Wednesday, March 19, 2003
Searchers Discover Shuttle Data Recorder
Of course, we're not going to find this out when we're at war...
Where is Raed ?
Take a peek at this creepy blog written by an Iraqi citizen with a strong taste for the english language. It's very, very incredible.
Tuesday, March 18, 2003
BBspot - 1,200 Students Laid Off in School Merger
Okay, so it's fake... but doesn't it at least sound like something SACS would do?
I have just found the answer to creating world peace:
Health - canada.com network
Late last year, Dick Smothers Jr., 38, shocked his father by embarking on a career path that so far has included acting in several porn films, developing a Web-based X-rated game show and launching an adult entertainment Web site.
Comedian Dick Smothers' Son Launches Porn Career
Late last year, Dick Smothers Jr., 38, shocked his father by embarking on a career path that so far has included acting in several porn films, developing a Web-based X-rated game show and launching an adult entertainment Web site.
Oh - c'mon! Like the name wasn't "ass-king" for it.
Ladies and Gentlemen,
Contrary to the actions I witnessed this afternoon, Homestead's parking lot is not to be used for the purpose of fulfilling sexual behavior.
We have bathrooms for that.
So, just a year after I bitch about the 4-way stop @ Homestead and Aboite Ctr., they go and put up a traffic light.
Told ya so.
Well, as I've been able to see from close up, these lights *may* not have...
turn signals.
BRILLIANT!
Monday, March 17, 2003
Now with CBS News, here's Dick Vitele "Yeah baby! Wham Bam, Slam, wham, baby! Boom baby... with the MOAB baby! Bush, are you serious? It's awesome baby!"
Dark words, from Dick Vitele.
-Courtesy of Will O'Hargan
I have only one bone to pick with Dubya regarding tonight's speech:
Where in the hell was the green?
I was bored and took a trip through my saved email, here's an excerpt:
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slow down in the performance of flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0
In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.9, but installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0 and NBA 3.0.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?
Desperate
***************************
Dear Desperate,
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Try to enter the command: C:/I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and install Tears 6.2. Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications: Guilty 3.0 and Flowers 7.0. But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create SnoringLoudly.WAV files.
DO NOT install Mother-In-Law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 6.9.
Good Luck,
Tech Support
How cute!
MSNBC is running a countdown until Pres. Bush speaks...
WHY?
Sunday, March 16, 2003
Here are my picks for the NCAA Finals:
...just as soon as CBS' Exclusive Iraq Attack coverage concludes.
USA NETWORK | Rudy: The Rudy Giuliani Story
It was only a matter of time before someone would attempt to make money off of the 9|11 ordeal...the irony is in the name of the network that is going to do it.
Passenger finds 'chilling' note from bag handler
An airline passenger who had two "No War with Iraq" signs in his suitcase says the federal security agent who opened his luggage inserted a note criticizing his "anti-American attitude."
If a TSA employee placed the note, "we will take appropriate and swift action," TSA spokesman Brian Turmail said Saturday from Washington, D.C.
...Action like, say, bombing Iraq a day ahead of time! Surprise!
File-sharing sites allow trading of porn
WASHINGTON (CNN) -- The same technology used to download music from file-sharing sites makes it possible to trade pornography, tech experts testified at a Capitol Hill hearing Thursday.
And they just figured this out?
See related story: Congress to rename "porn" to "Freedom Boobies"
Two young boys drown in neighbor's septic tank
...and you thought mexican food backed up your drains...
Male sweat brightens women’s mood
Yah, isn't it called s**?
Perspiration also reduces stress, alters menstrual cycle
Oh god...
Stern sues ABC over ‘Are You Hot?’
Howard Stern has sued ABC and the producers of the series “Are You Hot? The Search for America’s Sexiest People,” claiming the show is based on ideas that aired on his radio program.
Of course, only Howard Stern would actually want to take credit for this splendid waste of an hour.
©2003-2007 David Studinski/Bewildered Society, unless otherwise noted.